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Couples Crisis Kit
If you've had a rough night, a bad few days, or a terrible fight, you may be in need of the Couples Crisis Kit.
I designed this free kit for couples who are struggling and want to make an immediate and positive change in their relationship. Ideally, you should use it in addition to couples therapy or marriage counseling. It's meant to help stabilize your relationship between now and when you begin working with a marriage therapist.
The kit consists of two activities, a brief article on relationship repair, a book recommendation, and a relaxation exercise. You can use each of these pieces as follows:
The Relationship House - A Brief Article on Relationship Repair
From many studies of successfully married couples, we know that in order to repair your relationship, there are three essential changes to be made:
1. We must increase your positive emotions overall
2. We must decrease the negative emotions you have during disagreements
3. We must increase the positive emotions and repair efforts made during a disagreement
We accomplish these three changes by rebuilding seven aspects of your relationship “house.” We rebuild from the ground up! Begin at the foundation of the house to read through the seven steps of relationship repair.
Click here to read - Rebuilding Your Relationship House
Activity 1 - The Calming Conversation for Couples
The calming conversation is a technique to use when you are feeling upset or angry and are struggling to talk through an issue. The purpose of this guide is to structure your conversation so that you focus on hearing what the other person is saying, rather than trying to resolve the issue. Most conflict comes from trying to solve an issue. We get so busy trying to “fix” things that we forget to slow down and listen. The calming conversation structures your discussion so that both of you will get a chance to be heard and to ask for the change you’d like.
Click here to complete - The Couples Calming Conversation
Activity 2 - Personal Triumps and Struggles
This exercise is designed for you to write about some aspects of your own life and your own personality that will help both you and your partner understand you better. Working on your own, please answer the following questions as candidly as you can. You can write as much or as little as you like. Plan to bring this page with you to our next session.
Click here to complete - Triumps and Struggles Activity
Book Recommendation - The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD
Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. As a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and the founder and director of the Seattle Marital and Family Institute, he has studied the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over the course of many years. His findings, and his heavily attended workshops, have already turned around thousands of faltering marriages. This book is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. These principles teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Being thoughtful about ordinary matters provides spouses with a solid foundation for resolving conflict when it does occur and finding strategies for living with those issues that cannot be resolved.
Relaxation Exercise - Online Tool
One of the most important things you can do to get through the next few days is to work on relaxing yourself. You can relax by doing calming activities, exercising, meditating, or any number of things that work for you. I have also found a wonderful online relaxation exercise and you can try it by clicking here.
You can also visit my page on relaxation tips and anxiety management strategies by clicking here.
If you have not already contacted a counselor to assist you, please click here to contact me or click here for a referral to another therapist.
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