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5 Secrets of Effective Communication
5 Secrets of Effective Communication
David M. Burns, PhD
The Feeling Good Handbook
Listening Skills
1. The Disarming Technique
You find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if you feel convinced that what they're saying is totally wrong, unreasonable, irrational or unfair.
2. Empathy
You put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to see the world through his/her eyes
*Thought Empathy: You paraphrase the other person's words.
*Feeling Empathy: You acknowledge how they're probably feeling, given what they are saying to you
3. Inquiry
You ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.
Self-Expression Skills
1. "I feel" statements
You express your feelings with "I feel" statements (such as "I feel upset") rather than with "you" statements (such as "You're wrong!" or "You're making me furious!")
2. Stroking
You find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle. This indicates that you respect the other person, even though you may be angry with each other.
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