Many long-term affairs look like love from the outside, but inside they are often sustained by fantasy, validation, and avoidance rather than true intimacy. When we understand the psychology of limerence and long affairs, the story becomes less about romantic destiny and more about coping mechanisms and wounds. This shift can bring enormous relief to betrayed partners who are trying to make meaning of unimaginable pain.

A betrayed partner wrote to me recently and challenged one of the most accepted practices in sex addiction recovery: therapeutic disclosure. This post examines whether disclosure truly restores safety and agency, or whether secrecy, surprise, and rigid structure can unintentionally deepen trauma. I explore why accountability does not require shock, why healing should be individualized, and how flexibility and choice are essential in betrayal recovery. This post invites clinicians and partners alike to rethink what trauma-informed disclosure should really look like.

Most people believe that an affair is the end of your marriage. They believe that you can’t come back from infidelity, that no couple survives something this painful. This is simply not true. Several clinical and population-based studies show that 60–75% of couples reconcile after an affair (Solomon et al., 2006). So you might wonder:  how long do these couples stay together after reconciliation? And are they actually happy? Let's go through what the clinical research, population data, and long-term follow-up studies show.